Rest in Peace

Dear Readers,

I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., hate the west-coast, liberal elite, liberal media just as much as the next real American. But one of them passed away this evening, and showing my compassionae conservatism, old Teddy sends his thoughts and prayers to her family.

Rest in peace, Molly Ivins.



-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

The Hippies Are Out Again

Dear Readers,

As many as you have heard by now, tens of thousands of west-coast, liberal elite, America haters marched on Washington D.C. this past weekend. What were they all riled up about? Well, they just wanted to express their hatred of our troops and our divinely-inspired President, and their love of the terrorists. Par for the course with the libs.

Now, these west-coast, liberal elite, Constitution huggers like to argue that the First Amendment gives them the right both to assemble and to say what they please. These people have obviously forgotten about 9/11. Everything changed that day. We've got to make some sacrifices, and appeasing the terrorists by demonstrating against the war should not be an option, no matter what that outdated First Amendment says!

Hippie protestors, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Glad That's Over With!

Dear Readers,

Yet again, I find myself apologizing to you. I had a very busy stretch of days, but luckily, this patch is over with for a bit. What's that mean? Starting tomorrow, more posts, and more sharing of my wisdom with you!

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Twice the Decisiveness!

Dear Readers,

As you well know, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., have a personal love for our divinely-inspired President (although that love is only in a purely admiration type of manner, not a homosexual manner!). Needless to say, I could hardly control myself when he established himself last year as The Decider. I've been working on a whole line of Decider action figures, but I might have to change this. Why, you ask?

You see, dear readers, today, W established himself as even more decisive. Not only is he The Decider, but now, he's also The Decision Maker! Oh, the courage and wisdom of that man (I say this in a purely heterosexual, friendly admirer type of way, of course.) I'm going to have to branch my line of action figures out some to encompass both of these super alter egos!

W, thank you for your decisions that show your love for America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 1/25/07

Dear Readers,

Welcome to the latest edition of "Thursdays with Theodore!" To the mail bag...

Jack X writes:

There seems be a reminiscience of Katrina this week (with the State of the Union, Saints, etc.). Supposedly, according to Michael Brown, politics played a role in handling the storm, and Gov. Kathleen Blanco has started her nagging again.

So, who do you think is right? Do you think politics did play a role, or was it something else, like sheer incompetance on any level (local, state, federal, etc.)?

JX

Jack X, a great and timely question. Obviously, our divinely-inspired President was right about everything. Everybody else, of course, was wrong. Politics only played a role insofar as our brilliant, Republican President was omniscient and omnipotent. Simple as that.

I'm sorry for the brevity, but this was an easy answer!

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

It's Strong!

Dear Readers,

I'm still riding a high from last night's State of the Union address! What an oration it was! I haven't seen public speaking like that since last year's SOTU! (Be still, my heart...)

And what was the highlight of the speech? Why, of course, it was when our divinely-inspired President told us what the state of our union actually is. Most impressively, rather than placing this at the beginning of the speech like normal, he used it as his closer. Talk about brilliant!

I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., sat on the edge of my seat, waiting for those magical words. What is the state of our union, dear readers? Well, as you know by now, it's STRONG! 2007 is off to a great start! Thanks W!

Dear readers, thank you for loving our strong America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thank You, Saints!

Dear Readers,

Indulge me one more day of non-political posts, as I will have to spend at least 24 hours following the State of the Union just to come down from my post SOTU high! For now, though, a note of thanks.

This thank you is to Sean Payton, Drew Brees, Deuce, Reggie, Jamaal Brown, Will Smith, Mike Karney, and all of the other Saints. I don't need to write another story of their magical season, as there are enough of those around. I simply wish to thank each and every one of them, as a long-time Saints fan, for this unbelievable season.

One of old Teddy's great memories of his youth is Sunday dinner at my grandparents' house, with the Saints' game on the TV. I also remember going to a number of Saints games - mostly losses to the 49ers, though that doesn't matter - with my late father, which is a special memory for me.

It's not easy following that franchise, but what they did this year was nothing short of amazing. Congrats and good luck to the Bears, but I'm still as proud as could be of the Saints, and always will be.

A little enjoyment:



Now, despite the west-coast, liberal elite that run the city, I like Chicago a lot. The Bears beat the Saints soundly, and I congratulate them for it. As with all teams, though, including the Saints, they're cursed with their share of bad fans, and one simply takes the cake. And, though this guy represents about .0000000001% of Bears' fans, to this ladykiller, I simply say, "Stay Classy, Chicago!"



Congratulations and thank you, Saints!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Bless You, Boys

Dear Readers,

As you all know, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., see 3 sports as being undeniably American: high school football, wrestlin', and Nascar. But I am also a thorough football fan, as old Teddy used to strap it up and bash some skulls in, deep in the trenches. Because of this, I am quite excited.

You see, dear readers, old Teddy has been a lifelong fan of the New Orleans Saints. It hasn't been easy, but it's with the Saints that my loyalty lies. And as most of you are probably aware, the Saints take on the Monsters of the Midway today in Chicago for the NFC Championship, the Saints' first trip this deep into the playoffs. Old Teddy will be watching every minute of it.

So, today, I salute the New Orleans Saints, even if New Orleans is filled with a bunch of west-coast, liberal elite, America-haters.



Dear readers, who dat? Who dat? Who dat sayin' dey gonna beat dem Saints? Who dat? Who dat?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 1/18/07

Dear Readers,

Welcome to this week's episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" Off to the mailbag.

Jack X writes:

Now that Barack Obama is in the running, do you think he would have a good chance at winning the primaries? I mean, do you think he could and should outdo Mrs. Clinton?

I mean, personally, I'd see almost anyone running against Hillary in the Democrats as the "lesser evil," but that's just me. Republicans are another story--we can wait and see who will carry the elephant torch later.

Jack X


Jack X, I agree, they're all evil. I think he has a good shot against her because she is the Democratic version of McCain - all over the political spectrum depending on how the wind is blowing. I think that John Edwards is dangerous right now, and could take them both down. Edwards seems like the strongest candidate in the field, although he's not getting much pub. I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., in no way encourage my readers to support a strong Democratic candidate like John Edwards.


Jack X also writes:

On the fifth anniversary of 9/11, CSPAN (and probably a few other networks) ran a video of various members of Congress singing the "National Anthem" led by Hastert. To me, it sounded like Mr. Hastert had a little trouble remembering the words to a song almost every American can and should know. What is your take on it?

In case you have not seen the video, here is a link:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZwMpEr5Mh_I

Jack X


Jack X, that's another great question. You have to understand that Mr. Hastert was under a lot of pressure leading the greatest party in the greatest country in the history of the world. Spending time learning little things like the correct words to our national anthem was simply not feasible for him. He had the tune right, and that's really the best we could hope for. Leave it to the west-coast, liberal elite, liberal media to point to this as another example of the failings of the Republican leadership, though, and their lack of connection to real Americans.

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

They're Dropping Like Flies

Dear Readers,

We've all come to expect the Defeatocrats to be the party of retreat and defeat. That comes as no surprise. What causes some shock is the fact that, today, these terrorist-coddlers have been joined by a number of Republicans, including Senators Hagel and Snowe and up to 60 Representatives, in opposing the upcoming surge in troop levels. Together with the appeasofascists, they have the gall not to fully support our divinely-inspired President in the War on Terror.

These Republican turncoats also have the nerve to say the Constitution requires them to oppose W. They say that the majority of Americans oppose the war, and that they are required to listen to their constituents. These Constitution-huggers would rather listen to uneducated liberals than to carry out their duty to keep us from being attacked again. These Republican traitors have forgotten the lessons of 9/11.

I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., say forget about these terrorist-appeasers. Let them show their true colors and become Democrats. There's no room for moderation in the Republican Party. I don't care if this gives the Dems an even bigger majority. We need to return to a party of principled men; I long for the days of Tom DeLay, Mark Foley, Duke Cunningham, and Dennis Hastert.

Moderate Republican terrorism-lovers, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

My Apologies

Dear Readers,

My apologies to you for not posting for so long. I'm going to be very busy for another day or so, but I'll be up and posting again by tomorrow night.

Thank you for your patience, and thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

To Be Avoided at All Costs

Dear Readers,

The Democrat party (see how clever it is to use "Democrat"?) is no longer the party of cut and run. Oh no. They've morphed into something even more comforting to the enemy. The Democrats are now the party of retreat and defeat.

Oh yes, it's true. Look, if you oppose our divinely-inspired President's surge plan in any way, you want us to lose. Pay no attention to the polls that say that over 60% of Americans oppose the plan, because we all know these polls are liberally biased. Instead, listen to W - if we leave now, Iraq will fall into chaos and civil war, and we will have failed to establish another democracy in the Middle East.

Now, the west-coast, liberal elite, facterazzi like to say the country is already in a civil war. They say that whether we stay or leave, the Iraqis will continue to fight each other. Well, I have two things to say to these people - why do you ignore the good things going on in Iraq, like the building of a school here and there, and why do you hate America?

Retreat and defeat Democrats and over 60% of Americans, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Same Song, New Verse

Dear Readers,

Today, the prosecutor in the Duke "rape" case asked for a special prosecutor to be appointed. This case reminds us of one thing: the west-coast, liberal elite, hate-the-white-man-first crowd has screwed things up so royally that we risk ruining the lives of white men everywhere.

Think about it, dear readers. Who is more sympathetic here? The young woman paying her way through a directional college by stripping or the poor, underprivileged lacrosse players struggling to make it through a community college like Duke by being forced to run around with tiny sticks and throwing a tiny ball around? Yet the media, and the west-coast, liberal elite, somehow made the young woman seem more sympathetic, and this led the prosecutor to run gung-ho to an investigation that ruined the season of these poor lacrosse players.

Dear readers, we face a crisis. Today, in our PC world, white men are evil. It's harder today to be a white man than anything else, because affirmative action and the like have created an obviously unbalanced playing field. If that doesn't sound right, just stop listening to your brain and open your eyes! It's obvious!

Liberal haters of the white man, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 1/11/07

Dear Readers,

Old Teddy is back at his home base, and ready to get back to work. To the mail bag!

Nancy writes:

Dear Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.,

After watching our President's glorious speech last night, do you think his plan to surge the number of troops is brilliant, or genius?

Nancy, great question. I think it's clearly both. Despite the Republicans turning tail and running away from this plan, our divinely-inspired President clearly knows what he's doing. Just because the American people voted against such plans in a renouncing manner in the November elections, that's no reason to change course. We're staying the course - to victory!

Now, the west-coast, liberal elite, fake-compassion-for-soldiers-erazzi like to say that the President is risking the sacrifice of even more innocent young American heroes in order to try to save face. But they forget that our military is the best trained in all of the world. WIth the President's plan to ... ummm ... spread democracy in their hands, such a clear path to victory can't possibly fail. This new, concrete plan by W will change everything! What a leader!

Nancy, and my other dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

We're Cookin' With Gas Now!

Dear Readers,

Old Teddy has been having a lot of computer trouble lately, which has been disheartening since this is my only way of communicating with you. Today, though, my shiny new computer arrived! Oh, what a glorious day!

Now, old Teddy has to learn more about this new toy. I will be posting from now on without worries of my computer dying in the middle of typing my wisdom into a new post. What does this mean for you? Things will be bigger and better from now on, dear readers!

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

I've Been Saying it All Along

Dear Readers,

As you may have heard by now, a national security incident took place today in Miami. Officials now attribute the problem to a language barrier between law enforcement and three allegedly legal immigrants. This brings to light two problems that I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., have been warning my fellow patriots about for months. Maybe now they'll start to listen.

First, we have to make English our official and ONLY language. English is the language of business, and therefore, it's all we need. If you're speaking in foreign tongues, for all we know, you could be plotting the next terrorist attack. In a time of war, banning all non-English languages is a small inconvenience to pay for security.

More importantly, I've been warning about the illegal homosexual Uruguayan immigrants streaming over our Mexican border. These potential terrorists enter our country by the millions every day. Until we put up the border fence along our entire border AND all of our coastline in this country, we won't be safe.

Dear readers, once again we have seen how vulnerable we are. Until we get serious about security, we will remain unsafe. It's time the west-coast, liberal elite, terrorist-coddlers wake up and smell the roses of security.

Terrorese-speaking truckers, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

We Made It!

Dear Readers,

The conversion is complete, and everything seems to be just fine. The west-coast, liberal elite, compufascists tried to take old Teddy down, but I was having none of it. It's going to take more than a few of these poindexters to take me down!

Dear readers, my posting regularity will soon be back to normal. I apologize for being irregular in my recent posts, but that will change soon. Thank you for your patience.

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

A Note of Warning, Dear Readers

Dear Readers,

Blogspot is phasing everyone into a new google account, and will be modifying the blogs somewhat. As those of you who have blogs know, this means that there is a conversion to be carried out. For those without blogs, please note that this conversion can sometimes be problematic.

I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., will attempt this conversion tomorrow. Some comments may be lost, but hopefully everything will show up as normal afterward. Cross your fingers, dear readers, that this won't take us down for very long.

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thursdays with Theodore, episode 1/4/07

Dear Readers,

Welcome to this week's episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" Now, to the mail bag!

Jack X writes:

Is there anything we should do to prepare ourselves for the upcoming War on Christmas '07?

Great question. It's never too early to get started fighting against the seculofascists since they seek year-round to end religion. For now, you should keep a list of the boycotted businesses for this past Christmas. Keep an eye out for businesses trying to eliminate religion, and if you find any not on the previous list, make sure you send them to old Teddy.

Also, keep an eye out on this Democratic Congress. We all know they're going to try to legislate Christ out of Christmas.

Dear readers, be sure to keep your guard up. Thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

It's Back!

Dear Readers,

This Thursday will see the return of "Thursdays with Theodore!" Please email any and all questions to teddytrumbles@yahoo.com.

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

A Happy New Gregorian Calendar Year to You, Dear Readers!

Dear Readers,

Happy New Year to all of you! Make sure to wish all of the seculofascists a Happy New Gregorian Calendar Year whenever you see them today.

Dear readers, what a first year it has been. Here's to continued health and well-being for all of you in the upcoming year!

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.