It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

Dear Readers,

Today is the second of the holy trinity of American holidays! The period begins, of course, with Memorial Day, where we honor those who fought for our great country, and ends with the Fourth of July, which is the most comprehensive of all American celebrations. The middle holiday, though, holds a special place in my heart. I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., love Flag Day!

The day began innocently enough, with me waking up, making breakfast, grabbing the Wall Street Journal, and turning on Fox News. After showering, I put on my flag shirt; my tighty red, blue, and whiteys; my red, white and blue denim shorts; and my star-spangled snakeskin boots. I topped it all off with my flag headgear that you may see in my profile picture. You won’t be surprised to learn that I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., am also a talented musician, so I pulled out my old trombone, even though it looks a little worse for wear after all these years, and headed downtown.

I decided to go to the town square and play a little “Stars and Stripes Forever” on the steps of the court house, as I wanted to teach those liberal activist judges a thing or two about how to love America. The response of my fellow Americans was overwhelming. Our community servants appreciated my performance so much that two police officers came up, tapped me on the shoulder, and encouraged me to “move along,” no doubt to share my patriotism with more Americans. Numerous motorists slowed down and gestured with one finger, which can only be explained as a thumbs-up in approval of my love of America. An older gentleman came up to me with a tear in his eye and a smile on his face and exclaimed, “Your performance was the best rusty trombone I’ve had in years!”

Without a doubt, I made quite an impact. The grateful police officers even took my name and contact information, and I expect an award or certificate of some sort any day now. The day was a huge success. Knowing that I affected so many people with my love of America only strengthens my resolve to share my passion.

Those of you who failed to celebrate Flag Day, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.