The Founding Fathers' Take on the NSA
Dear Readers,
I am often asked, "Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., what are your thoughts on the NSA's wiretapping and phone record data-mining programs?" First of all, let's get the terminology right: it's not "wiretapping" but "terrorist surveillance," and it's not "data-mining" but . . . well, the President told me it wasn't data-mining, so that's good enough for me. Beyond that, let's look at the success of these programs; most notably, we haven't been attacked in almost five years. Who can argue with those results? I can't. Whatever keeps us safe is good enough for me!
You would be surprised how often this, somehow, fails to placate the America-hating, baby-killing, fourth-amendment-hugging, west-coast, liberal elite. They proceed to ask, "But Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., what about the Constitutional implications? What about the loss of civil liberties that, once lost, we can never regain? What about the right to privacy? What about the fourth amendment?" The right to privacy is easily dispensed with, as any strict constructionist knows the word "privacy" is nowhere in the Constitution. As for the other complaints, I'll follow the paths tread so often by my heroes, Justices Nino Scalia and Clarence Thomas, and look at the intent of the Founders.
You won't be surprised to learn that I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., have been a student of history throughout my life (American history, of course!). Two quotes of Founders stand out in my mind when pressed about the NSA. First, I believe it was Patrick Henry who boldly proclaimed, "Give me liberty, but if I haven't done anything wrong, then I have nothing to worry about. So whatever's good for the country is good with me, in my book." And, if memory serves, it was Nathan Hale who lamented, "I only regret that I haven't a phone to be monitored for my country's safety, since Bell won't invent the telephone for another century." There's your smoking gun folks. It was ok with the Founding Fathers, and it's certainly ok with me!
Those of you who dare even question the NSA, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
I am often asked, "Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., what are your thoughts on the NSA's wiretapping and phone record data-mining programs?" First of all, let's get the terminology right: it's not "wiretapping" but "terrorist surveillance," and it's not "data-mining" but . . . well, the President told me it wasn't data-mining, so that's good enough for me. Beyond that, let's look at the success of these programs; most notably, we haven't been attacked in almost five years. Who can argue with those results? I can't. Whatever keeps us safe is good enough for me!
You would be surprised how often this, somehow, fails to placate the America-hating, baby-killing, fourth-amendment-hugging, west-coast, liberal elite. They proceed to ask, "But Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., what about the Constitutional implications? What about the loss of civil liberties that, once lost, we can never regain? What about the right to privacy? What about the fourth amendment?" The right to privacy is easily dispensed with, as any strict constructionist knows the word "privacy" is nowhere in the Constitution. As for the other complaints, I'll follow the paths tread so often by my heroes, Justices Nino Scalia and Clarence Thomas, and look at the intent of the Founders.
You won't be surprised to learn that I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., have been a student of history throughout my life (American history, of course!). Two quotes of Founders stand out in my mind when pressed about the NSA. First, I believe it was Patrick Henry who boldly proclaimed, "Give me liberty, but if I haven't done anything wrong, then I have nothing to worry about. So whatever's good for the country is good with me, in my book." And, if memory serves, it was Nathan Hale who lamented, "I only regret that I haven't a phone to be monitored for my country's safety, since Bell won't invent the telephone for another century." There's your smoking gun folks. It was ok with the Founding Fathers, and it's certainly ok with me!
Those of you who dare even question the NSA, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 12:24 PM
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