Sign that Check, Dems

Dear Readers,

Our divinely-inspired President needs some more money in the War on Islamofascism. Without another blank check, the war may start to go badly. And we can't allow this to happen.

Dems, the ball is in your court. You don't want the terrorists to win, do you? You'd rather fight them there than here, wouldn't you? What about our children, and their future? If you don't provide this funding, the blood's on your hands.

Folks, the Dems whine about "unjust war" and "war we can't win." That's all well and good, but they still have to fund it. Otherwise, when your child dies in the next 9/11, it will be Hillary's fault.

70% of America that opposes the War, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 10/18/07

Dear Readers,

Welcome to another exciting episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" To the mail sack . . .

Copernicus writes:

Dear Mr. Trumblebunks, I, Esq.,

What do you think of Congress' inability to override President Bush's veto of the SCHIP bill?

--Copernicus

Copernicus, thank you for your timely question. This is a great move by those Republicans who supported the President's position and prevented the House from reaching the requisite number of votes needed to override the veto. This was a terrible piece of legislation that, even though it would have helped numerous children, could potentially have helped an illegal immigrant. Good riddance to such a terrible idea. Thank you, W, and the brave Republican minority in the House, for sticking to your guns and not listening to the 80% of Americans who wanted this bill to pass!

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

A Friendly Reminder, Dear Readers

Dear Readers,

Tomorrow will be another exciting episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" Make sure to get your questions, on any topic, to me at: teddytrumbles@yahoo.com.

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Time to Do Our Part

Dear Readers,

If you've paid attention to the news the last few days, you know that the price of oil has jumped to over $84 a barrel. What is the result? Big Oil is hurting, and profits are falling. This is a dangerous situation.

If I've said it once, I've said it a million times - our economy goes as Big Oil goes. If they're hurting, we will be, too. We must affect the market. Folks, rather than avoiding filling up, you must flll up every time your needle leaves "F". By artifically affecting the demand side of the curve (hey, it's ok to affect the free market to drive prices UP, just not for the government to artificially lower prices), we'll drive prices up, which will drive profits up, which will make our economy BOOM (if you ignore the housing foreclosure crisis). Happy times will be here again!

Dear Big Oil, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Go Get 'Em, Senator Craig

Dear Readers,

Not-gay Senator Larry Craig (R-ID) is continuing to fight the west-coast, liberal elite, pro-gay-bathroom sex crowd. Today, he filed an appeal to challenge a local judge's recent refusal to allow him to withdraw his guilty plea. I say go get 'em, Sen. Craig. We're behind you in a totally heterosexual kind of way.

You see, dear readers, nothing would help the Dems more than to catch a clearly not-gay Republican Senator engaged in a gay extramarital tryst. They'd try to say that we, the pro-family values crowd, are nothing but hypocrites. Even some Republicans contend that not-gay Senator Craig is hurting the party by prolonging his fight.

Folks, this is America. When it comes to Republican Congressmen, we have a presumption of innocent until proven guilty. Just because some liberal policemen have accused not-gay Sen. Craig of engaging in lewd behavior in an airport bathroom, and he pleaded guilty to it, that doesn't mean he's guilty. It just means he should be able to withdraw that plea whenever he'd like to, and have his day in court.

Not-gay Senator Craig, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Seriously? Turkey?

Dear Readers,

Although old Teddy has been a little out of the loop lately, I do know that Turkey has been raising a lot of ruckus? Are we really going to take this from Turkey? We've already got our equipment just next door in Iraq. Let's just bomb them back to the Stone Age while we're there and solve all of our problems.

Yes, yes, the west-coast, liberal elite, peace-coddlers will oppose this, but history has taught us that, when somebody is giving you lip, you have to eradicate the problem. End of discussion.

Turkey, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 10/4/07

Dear Readers,

Welcome to this week's episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" To the mail receptacle...

Louis writes:

Dear Dr. Trumblebunks, I, Esq., C.P.A.,

What do you think of the latest Larry Craig news?

-Louis

Louis, thanks for the email. I know that Sen. Craig's request to withdraw his guilty plea was denied by a liberal activist judge. But this not-gay Senator has vowed to remain in office. I support not-gay Senator Craig, and urge all Republicans to grow a spine that is straight as an arrow, like not-gay Sen. Craig.

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

My Goodness, More Praise for the Dems

Dear Readers,

The anti-war, anti-troop Dems have given our divinely-inspired President more funding for the Glorious Campaign against Islamofascism. I'm at a loss for words.

Dear Dems, thank you for loving America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Just Think What it Could Be!

Dear Readers,

The DJIA has once again topped the magical 14K mark. And gas is relatively cheap right now. If I've said it once, I've said it 5 billion times: rising Big Oil floats all boats.

So, dear readers, I implore you: boycott the gas stations until they raise their prices. That's right. If the oil companies are too generous to raise prices artificially on their own, we'll do it for them!

Gas boycott to raise price starts - now!

Big Oil, try to love America and our economy just a little more, please!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.