Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 6/21/07

Dear Readers,

Welcome to this week's episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" Off to the mail bag . . .

Mary Lou writes:

Dear Mr. Trumblebunks, I, Esq.,

I'm getting married later this month. Any suggestions for a band for the reunion?

~~Mary Lou

Mary Lou, thanks for taking the time to write. If you can't get Toby Keith, I highly recommend these guys:



Enjoy the ceremony, and remember to honor and obey your husband like the Bible demands!

Jack X writes:

Between last year and this year, KFC seemed to improve the Famous Bowl by adding cream gravy and a biscuit. Assuming they take it off for the fall to improve it for the summer of 2008, what should they add to it to make it even better than it is now?

Jack X

Jack X, this one's easy - fried pork chops.

Jack X also writes:

Ok, I have a second question...

As you probably remember, "The Price is Right" (one of my favorite shows) ended its 35th season with Bob Barker's last show this past Friday, and he has said he wanted Rosie O'Donnell as a possible replacement for him. What do you think of this?

I'll tell you my opinion (of course, you probably know what I think) after you respond.

Jack X

Jack X, this is a brilliant and shrewd move by Barker. By putting some big gay slob on the show, it will only enhance his legacy. He might be old and potentially guilty of years of sexual harassment, but the gears are still turning up in that dome of his!


Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Happy Flag Day!

Dear Readers,

A Happiest of Happy Flag Day's to you and yours! I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., certainly hope that you celebrated this special occasion! Naturally, old Teddy showed his patriotism today. Here's a little recap:

The day began with my CD alarm clock blaring Lee Greenwood's "God Bless the USA." Old Teddy stumbled out of his star-spangled sheets, grabbed a cup o' joe (black coffee, folks, not some frou-frou, double half caf soy fresca frappucino), and had a bowl of Wheaties. A quick shower, and a light trim of the ol' moustache, and it was time to get dressed.

What was my attire, you ask? Everyone knows it starts with a solid foundation, so, naturally, I started with a fresh pair of tighty red, blue, and whiteys. I pulled up some cargo pocket jean shorts, and slipped on a patriotic, sleeveless Old Navy t-shirt. Finally, I put on my tube socks with American flags near the top, pulling them up only about halfway up my shins, before scrunching them down a bit. I finished up with my solid white Reebok high-tops, and it was time to hit the road.

Well, naturally, ol' Teddy fired up the F-250 with the patriotic paint job and the sticker across the rear window that proudly proclaims "Freedom isn't Free." While it was warming up, I attached my giant flags to the sides of the bed, and it was time to get rolling. What did I do this year to celebrate our flag?!?

Dear readers, old Teddy grabbed his phone book and looked for everyone with a non-Anglo sounding last name. I located the addresses, grabbed a map, and was off planting a flag in the yards of everyone of foreign nationality! At a time when immigration is a "hot-button" issue, so the liberal media says, it was time to let these non-original Americans know a few things about the Stars and Stripes. Mr. and Mrs. Wong of 275 N. Main Street, you're welcome!

But it didn't stop there, dear readers. The influx of homosexual Uruguayans over our Mexican border is a crisis of untold proportions (untold, at least, by the liberal media.) So, I found everyone in the phone book with an Hispanic last name, went to their homes, and built a wall across their front yards.

Well, I started to, anyway. I called a few bricklayers, but Pepe and Alejandro refused to do this for any amount of money. So, I got a few boards of a fence put up in one yard before the liberal cops came and threatened me if I didn't stop. That's right, despite my Second Amendment rights, these cops refused to let me protect me, my family, and my nation from the greatest threat in the history of the world!

But I made my point. Yes, Mr. Tancredo, I will do your bidding to the end of my days in order to keep us safe. Near the twentieth anniversary of President St. Reagan killing Communism by telling Gorby to tear down that wall, I tell Tom Tancredo, "Yes, future Mr. President, let's build up that border wall!"

Tired from a long day, it was time to come home, eat a Famous Bowl, and call it a day. I reverently folded up and stored my flags. Yes, it was a good day.

Dear fellow Americans, Happy Flag Day, and thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 6/7/07

Dear Readers,

Welcome to this week's episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" To the mail bag...

Jack X writes:

Where I live, there are several KFC establishments; however, they are all relatively far from my house, so when I went on vacation, I was able to find one easily.

I remember how last year, you praised KFC's Famous Bowls, saying they perfectly represent America. I didn't get one because I didn't notice they had one until after I ordered my food.

Anyway, for my questions, if KFC went all "liberal" and made a "Liberal Famous Bowl," what ingredients would probably be in it (ie. if they chose food products grown in predominately liberal areas in America and elsewhere, which one would create an..."Infamous Bowl?"). Have fun with that question.

Jack X

Jack X, that's a great question. You are correct, as I have previously lauded the wonder that is the Famous Bowl. Now, they come with a biscuit, so they're even better and more manly!

Anyway, a "Liberal Famous Bowl" would have soy, tofu, edamame, free trade coffee, and probably some weed thrown in, I'd imagine, knowing those libs. It would be absolutely disgusting, of course, and would leave you hungrier than you were before you ate it. But common sense has never been a strong suit of the libs, has it?

Willington writes:

Teddy,

What do you think of the potential candidacy of Ray Nagin for Governor?

-Franklin Willington

Willington, you know what I think about this. We don't need some nut job making a "chocolate state." He has no leadership - he didn't control the flooding and devastation nearly as well as Rudy responded to devastation with a city block. Leave it to the libs to pull this one off though, with all of the liberal idiots running around Nagin's city.

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.