Good Grub: Food for Real Americans, episode 6/17/06
Dear Readers,
As part of my effort to help my readers become real Americans, too, I will be reviewing food, music, movies, and books on a somewhat regular basis. I am often asked, "Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., what do you eat that gives you both energy for your patriotism and your great physique?" Grab a pencil and some paper, and jot down a few notes here.
Recently, the folks of KFC, a subsidiary of YUM! Brands, brought us the KFC Famous Bowls:
The Famous Bowls start with a layer of rice or mashed potatoes, topped with sweet corn, popcorn chicken, gravy, and cheese. Dear readers, what is more American than mashed 'taters, fried chicken, gravy, corn, and cheese?!? Granted, due to our strained relations with North Korea, real Americans would automatically choose the potatoes over rice, but that was probably obvious to most of you.
Now, the west-coast, liberal elite, want to decry this wonderful American product and say that it's not good for our health. They point to their liberal "statistics," and say things such as, "It has almost 700 calories," and, "It has 31 grams of fat, 9 of which are saturated fat, 2110 mg of sodium, and 27 grams of protein." Leave it to the liberal elites in the medical profession to betray their hatred of America by denouncing such a wonderfully American product.
Well, dear readers, take it from me, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.: buy this product. One needs energy for loving America and waving Old Glory, which burns those calories right up (liberal nutritionists, you do recognize that physical exertion burns calories, don't you?). On a normal day, I'll eat two of these bad boys. If I'm planning an intense show of my love for America, I'll down three. And you should, too. Not only will you get an unbelievable body like mine that drives the ladies wild, but you'll also have all of the energy you need to love America!
Those of you who say the KFC Famous Bowls are unhealthy, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
As part of my effort to help my readers become real Americans, too, I will be reviewing food, music, movies, and books on a somewhat regular basis. I am often asked, "Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., what do you eat that gives you both energy for your patriotism and your great physique?" Grab a pencil and some paper, and jot down a few notes here.
Recently, the folks of KFC, a subsidiary of YUM! Brands, brought us the KFC Famous Bowls:
The Famous Bowls start with a layer of rice or mashed potatoes, topped with sweet corn, popcorn chicken, gravy, and cheese. Dear readers, what is more American than mashed 'taters, fried chicken, gravy, corn, and cheese?!? Granted, due to our strained relations with North Korea, real Americans would automatically choose the potatoes over rice, but that was probably obvious to most of you.Now, the west-coast, liberal elite, want to decry this wonderful American product and say that it's not good for our health. They point to their liberal "statistics," and say things such as, "It has almost 700 calories," and, "It has 31 grams of fat, 9 of which are saturated fat, 2110 mg of sodium, and 27 grams of protein." Leave it to the liberal elites in the medical profession to betray their hatred of America by denouncing such a wonderfully American product.
Well, dear readers, take it from me, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.: buy this product. One needs energy for loving America and waving Old Glory, which burns those calories right up (liberal nutritionists, you do recognize that physical exertion burns calories, don't you?). On a normal day, I'll eat two of these bad boys. If I'm planning an intense show of my love for America, I'll down three. And you should, too. Not only will you get an unbelievable body like mine that drives the ladies wild, but you'll also have all of the energy you need to love America!
Those of you who say the KFC Famous Bowls are unhealthy, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 1:34 PM
4 Comments:
Ted, I'm concerned about your diet. I would like for you to come with me to a meeting of the local vegetarian support society. I think we can show you an alternative lifestyle that will not only make you feel better about yourself, but will be better for all of the poor innocent animals that are butchered daily to support your hedonistic lifestyle.
Your friend
-Franklin Willington
Franklin, if I wasn't celebrating an inspired effort by the USA today against the papists, I'd consider shoving a boot up your ass. Count your blessings.
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Ted, I too am celebrating the fact that the protestant United States failed to beat the Catholics. It just goes to show you that no religion is superior. If there were a god, wouldn't he have picked a side?
Franklin, your ignorance amazes me. No one has ever said the Christian and Catholic God is a different deity. Just drop it, before you experience a swift boot.
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Post a Comment
<< Home