Merry Christmas, Teddy's Troopers!

Dear Readers,

On behalf of all in the Trumblebunks' Family, please accept our warmest wishes for a Merry CHRISTmas! That's right, I said "Merry Christmas!" The west-coast, liberal elite, Christ-haters are likely to have me arrested for this, but I don't care. They can keep persecuting us Christians all they want, but we're going to keep loving our Lord.

So, once again, Merry Christmas, to you and yourn!

Dear readers, thank you for loving Jesus, and thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

The Final Countdown

Dear Readers,

One more night, potentially, to help our economy and our democracy by shopping for Christmas presents. The following is the list of businesses (most of which also made last year's list) you should avoid, as they have given into the west-coast, liberal elite, anti-Christmas trend that has ruined our country:

1-800-Flowers
103.3 FM
ABC
Acadian Ambulance
Acuvue Contacts
Albert's Sand-Blasting
Albertson's
Apple
Apocalypto (movie)
Arby's
Avis
Avon
Baskin Robbins
Baton Rouge Metropolitan Airport
Benoit's County Meat Market
Best Buy
Bill's CV Joints and Boots
BP
Budget Car Rental
Burger King
CBS
Celebration Station
Celebrex
Charlotte's Web (movie)
Circuit City
Citgo (b/c of Chavez)
Colgate
CompUSA
Cox Communications
Crest
CVS Pharmacy
David's Tire Re-Treading Service
Dillard's
Dollar General
Enterprise Rent-A-Car
The Facebook
General Electric
Goodyear
Happy Feet (movie)
Hertz
Hobby Lobby
Indianapolis International Airport
Insight Communications
J. Crew
JC Penney's
Jewel
Kinko's
Lens Crafters
Lipitor
Macy's
McDonald's
Kim's Nails
Kroger
Los Angeles Times
Kroger
Memphis International Airport
Monistat
NBC
New York Times
Northwest Airlines
Office Depot
Office Max
Osco
Osh Kosh-B'Gosh
Parrain's Restaurant
Pat's Family Restaurant
Pay-Day Loan Service
Penske
Piccadilly
Rave Motion Pictures
Regions Bank
Rite-Aid
Sam's Club
Sears
Shell
Staples
Starbucks
Subway
Taco Bell
Tampax
TCBY
Texaco
The Nation (magazine)
Trojan
Victoria's Secret
Walgreens
Wal-Mart
Westinghouse
Whole Foods
Winn Dixie

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Target Feels the Wrath of Ol' Teddy

Dear Readers,

Last year, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., really turned the heat up on Target. Their anti-Christian ways led me to focus on them as enemy #1 in the War on Christmas. Well, they got the message.

Dear readers, today, Ol' Teddy was investigating a Target to see if they had learned their lesson. What did I see? A giant sign saying "Merry Christmas!" Granted, it was close to a "Happy Holidays" sign, but, it's a step in the right direction. My boycott forced them to repent and change their ways. Dear readers, we're taking back America for Jesus!

So, to update, this year's boycott list is:

103.3 FM
Baton Rouge Metro Airport
Benoit's Country Meat Market
Hobby Lobby
J. Crew
Northwest Airlines
Office Depot
Parrain's Restaurant
Regions Bank
Wal-Mart on College Drive
Wal-Mart on Highway 1

Please send along all other Christ-hating businesses, so Teddy's Troopers can boycott these anti-American establishments.

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 12/20/07

Dear Readers,

Welcome to another edition of "Thursdays with Theodore!" To the mailbag...

Courtney writes:

What's more important this season? Celebrating Jesus, or supporting the troops?

~~Courtney

Courtney, that's easy - both. Jesus is watching over our troops, who are fighting to spread democracy and Christianity throughout the world!

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

The Battle Rages...

Dear Readers,

Ol' Teddy hit up some more retail establishments today. No employee of any of them wished ol' Teddy a Merry Christmas. Thus, the list must be expanded:

Baton Rouge Metro Airport
Benoit's Country Meat Market
Hobby Lobby
Northwest Airlines
Office Depot
Wal-Mart on College Drive
Wal-Mart on Highway 1

Dear readers, be on guard, and make sure to pass along all rogue businesses to me!

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

The War (on Christmas) Continues

Dear Readers,

It's no secret that Christians are routinely persecuted here in America. With the west-coast, liberal elite, atheism/Islam-loving hippies running around, Christians are attacked and reviled much as they were in ancient Rome before the conversion of Constantine. At no time of the year is this more apparent than during the CHRISTMAS season. If I didn't go to church on a regular basis, I'd have no way of knowing that Christmas is even coming up, thanks to the libs.

Dear readers, you no doubt remember that I have been on the front lines of the War on Christmas for some time now. Now, it's time to figure out which businesses hate Jesus this year so that we can boycott them. So far, our list is as follows:

Baton Rouge Metro Airport
Benoit's Country Meat Market
Northwest Airlines
Wal-Mart on College Drive
Wal-Mart on Highway 1

Folks, if you go to any business or retail establishment and they fail to wish you a Merry Christmas, please forward the name of the business to me so we can add them to the boycott list.

Dear readers, thank you for loving Jesus, Christmas, and America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.