Thursdays with Theodore, episode 9/21/06
Dear Readers,
"Do you remember, the 21st of September? On and on, some of you remember; on and on, dancing in September..." Dear readers, welcome to this week's edition of "Thursdays with Theodore!" Without further adieu...
Willington writes:
Teddy,
So why are you afraid of pirates?
-Franklin Willington
Willington, I'm not afraid of them. I simply oppose terrorists. You see, Willington, I love America. Modern pirates are Islamofascists, and should be opposed at every turn. Why do you hate America?
Jack X writes:
Dear Teddy,
This question is not political, but being that you have made some religious allusions in your blog, I think I'll try a religious question this week.
I consider myself to be a Catholic, in fact, a somewhat conservative Catholic. About a year ago in my local parish, a new priest came as the old one was promoted in the diocese. Now, I attend a slightly unusual parish in terms of how the church and some of the buildings are designed and the parish is one of the newest in the area (about 30 years old).
When this new priest came, he made a bunch of "radical" changes to how the masses is done, by adding songs and making some songs sound "hip" (one song involves clapping). He pretty much ignored any tradition the church had (not that the church had too much tradition) but he tore out the pages and rewrote them himself, symbolically. In addition, he does say some disagreeable things which do taint his sermons, and goes very overboard with certain "ceremonies" (for example, at the end of a baptism, he holds up the baby to the sky, a la "The Lion King"). He also gets "mad" at people when they don't stand in a precise location during Eucharist, and in one particular mass, he made the entire congregation wear name tags. In short, he has taken a mass, which, to me, is a simple, yet very powerful, practice, and converted it into a complex ceremonious detail event lasting anywhere in the neighborhood between 75-90 minutes on any given Sunday--with each liturgy starting off with a 5 minute long set of announcements that are more verbose and complicated than a Faulkner novel. I also feel that he is really intercoloring the lines between mass, retreat, and ceremony each Sunday.
So, my good friend, what should I do? I personally do feel that attending other local parishes is a solution; however, I do have an aire of guilt when I do this. Also, I have gotten into arguments with my family over some of these new "nuances." In fact, my father, a registered Republican, has played "Democrat" on the issue and has flip-flopped his position on the situation, first having opinions in the same area as me but has changed them to liking the new procedures.
Anyway, my captain, what do you think I should do with the whole situation?
Sincerely yours,
Jack X
Jack, welcome back! My first piece of advice to you is to run - run as fast as you can! Run right to your nearest Southern Baptist church; you won't have to worry about them changing up on you and becoming liberal any time soon!
As for the situation with your father, you're spot-on. Changing one's mind after reconsideration is nothing but weakness and flip-flopping; it's never a sign of careful reconsideration and coming to a new conclusion. You see, real Americans (conservatives) dig in their heels and refuse to change, no matter what new evidence is presented to them. See our divinely-inspired President for a shining example!
Jack X, either call this priest out in the middle of Mass, or get yourself to a real American church, asap!
Dear readers, thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
"Do you remember, the 21st of September? On and on, some of you remember; on and on, dancing in September..." Dear readers, welcome to this week's edition of "Thursdays with Theodore!" Without further adieu...
Willington writes:
Teddy,
So why are you afraid of pirates?
-Franklin Willington
Willington, I'm not afraid of them. I simply oppose terrorists. You see, Willington, I love America. Modern pirates are Islamofascists, and should be opposed at every turn. Why do you hate America?
Jack X writes:
Dear Teddy,
This question is not political, but being that you have made some religious allusions in your blog, I think I'll try a religious question this week.
I consider myself to be a Catholic, in fact, a somewhat conservative Catholic. About a year ago in my local parish, a new priest came as the old one was promoted in the diocese. Now, I attend a slightly unusual parish in terms of how the church and some of the buildings are designed and the parish is one of the newest in the area (about 30 years old).
When this new priest came, he made a bunch of "radical" changes to how the masses is done, by adding songs and making some songs sound "hip" (one song involves clapping). He pretty much ignored any tradition the church had (not that the church had too much tradition) but he tore out the pages and rewrote them himself, symbolically. In addition, he does say some disagreeable things which do taint his sermons, and goes very overboard with certain "ceremonies" (for example, at the end of a baptism, he holds up the baby to the sky, a la "The Lion King"). He also gets "mad" at people when they don't stand in a precise location during Eucharist, and in one particular mass, he made the entire congregation wear name tags. In short, he has taken a mass, which, to me, is a simple, yet very powerful, practice, and converted it into a complex ceremonious detail event lasting anywhere in the neighborhood between 75-90 minutes on any given Sunday--with each liturgy starting off with a 5 minute long set of announcements that are more verbose and complicated than a Faulkner novel. I also feel that he is really intercoloring the lines between mass, retreat, and ceremony each Sunday.
So, my good friend, what should I do? I personally do feel that attending other local parishes is a solution; however, I do have an aire of guilt when I do this. Also, I have gotten into arguments with my family over some of these new "nuances." In fact, my father, a registered Republican, has played "Democrat" on the issue and has flip-flopped his position on the situation, first having opinions in the same area as me but has changed them to liking the new procedures.
Anyway, my captain, what do you think I should do with the whole situation?
Sincerely yours,
Jack X
Jack, welcome back! My first piece of advice to you is to run - run as fast as you can! Run right to your nearest Southern Baptist church; you won't have to worry about them changing up on you and becoming liberal any time soon!
As for the situation with your father, you're spot-on. Changing one's mind after reconsideration is nothing but weakness and flip-flopping; it's never a sign of careful reconsideration and coming to a new conclusion. You see, real Americans (conservatives) dig in their heels and refuse to change, no matter what new evidence is presented to them. See our divinely-inspired President for a shining example!
Jack X, either call this priest out in the middle of Mass, or get yourself to a real American church, asap!
Dear readers, thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 11:06 PM
2 Comments:
Hey, what's wrong with pirates? Remember Jean Lafitte? He was a pirate and he helped Andrew Jackson fight the Battle of New Orleans. I don't think he hated America, although he did it to get pardoned for some crimes...
Lafitte was not an islamofascist pirate. Get it straight.
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Post a Comment
<< Home