Patriotism Displays: More = Better

Dear Readers,

Recently, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., returned home to visit my family. Thankfully, my home state is a red state (N.B.: by red state, I am referring to a Republican state, not some commie-pinko state, in case such clarification is needed). My hometown, in the past year or two, has created a beautiful sight along the median of the main highway, with American flags lined up as far as the eye can see, two wide, spaced approximately two feet apart. It brings a tear to my eye each time I see this display.

Despite the obvious merits of this show of patriotism, however, some object that they have overdone this. Some of these west-coast, liberal elite claim that more flags does not equal more patriotism, and that one flag expresses the same sentiment as one-thousand. Even though such an idiotic belief merits no response, I would like to address it.

Naturally, of course, more stars and stripes equals more patriotism. A more subtle explanation can be provided by looking at market forces. The more flags that are purchased, the more we support the economy. The more that we support the economy, the more we help all sectors of American life and the war effort. If I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., have said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times: the free market will solve ALL of our problems!

Those of you who support the use of fewer flags to express patriotism, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.