Tuesday, June 24, 2008

A Modern Rosa Parks

Dear Readers,

Ol' Teddy is willing to admit that we still have a race problem in this country. However, what I can't understand is why people fighting for racial equality get hammered by the west-coast, liberal elite, Aryan-lovers for their efforts? Don't the liberals claim to want racial equality?

Take, for instance, a modern Freedom Fighter, Don Imus, friend of this blog. Now, Mr. Imus is no stranger to controversy for his efforts to bring about racial equality. This new controversy, however, is ridiculous!

Libs, get off of your high horse. Imus merely asked what color a man who was repeatedly arrested was, and upon being informed that the individual is African-American, responded, "There you go. Now we know." How could anybody consider that to be racist?

Today, Mr. Imus explained that his comments were sarcastically attacking racial profiling. Obviously. Yet, this hero of racial equality is now being vilified as supposedly being racist for such statements. What have we come to, when we fail to accept such nonsensical, after-the-fact explanations as that offered by Mr. Imus? Why won't we let a man try to salvage his career with such a far-fetched story? He even used the iron-clad "but I have a black friend [producers]" defense!

Freedom weeps, dear readers. Mr. Imus obviously merely intended to make a point that racial profiling is bad. Now, he will forever be known as a racist. Way to go, libs.

People who see racism in racist statements, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

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Tuesday, June 17, 2008

The Non-Importance of the Interwebs

Dear Readers,

My boy, Sen. John McCain, has recently come under fire for some comments he made regarding The Google. When asked if he prefers Macs or PCs, soon-to-be President McCain said that he prefers neither and is a computer illiterate. God bless him.

You see, dear readers, by not being bothered with the Internet tubes, Sen. McCain can focus instead on continuing the Iraq War for 100 years. Furthermore, he doesn't have to be bothered with bad news or polls showing overwhelming disapproval ratings like W has to deal with. Sen. McCain can spend his time, instead, focusing on working with Congress to pass beers he likes.

Ignorance is bliss, dear readers, and in the 21st century, nothing could be more ignorant than willfully choosing not to know how to use a computer. Here's to you, President McCain, the most blissful man alive!

President McCain, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

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Monday, June 16, 2008

What a Weekend!

Dear Readers,

As you know, this past Saturday was one of my favorite holidays - Flag Day! And boy, did old Teddy celebrate! I'm just starting to get over my Flag Day hangover now, and hope that the same is true for all of you. Due to my condition, this must be brief, but I'll be back at it tomorrow and in the two and a half weeks before Independence Day!

Dear readers, thank you for loving America! (Except you, Jack X, who left the party that loves America!)

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

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Thursday, June 12, 2008

Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 6/12/08

Dear Readers,

Welcome to yet another exciting episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" To the mail satchel . . .

Jamie Lynn writes:

Dear Mr. Trumblebunks, I, Esq.,

Were you flooded in by the recent weather? Also, are you as excited about the price of oil as I am?!?!?!?

~~Jamie Lynn


Jamie Lynn, thank you for your email, and thank you for your concern. Old Teddy made it out unscathed, though my old red, white, and blue heart goes out to all of those who were affected.

As for your second question - YES!!! Good times are on the way, people! In gratitude, I send a check to ExxonMobil at the end of each month to try to help boost their profits even more. You can thank me for the trickle down benefits later!!!

Jamie Lynn, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

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