What is W thinking?

Dear Readers,

As you know, I never question our divinely-inspired President. As you also know, I'm no fan of the Papists. Today, though, what do I read, but that W is welcoming the Pope???

I fear the repercussions of this. Does this suggest that America will be more accepting of these fake Christians? Does it mean W is going to be controlled from now on by the Vatican? Does it mean we've finally given up on God as a country?

Stay tuned, dear readers, and be on guard. Don't let the Papists and the secularists get their way.

Papists, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Thursdays with Theodore, Episode 4/10/08

Dear Readers,

Welcome to this week's edition of "Thursdays with Theodore!" To the mail bag...

Emerson writes:

"Dear Mr. Trumblebunks, I, Esq.,

What do you think of Gen. Petraeus' testimony this week?"

Emerson, thank you for your very timely submission. I thought that Gen. Petraeus' testimony was mesmerizing. The way he essentially said that we'll never be able to leave Iraq brought a tear to my red, white, and blue heart. We're going to stay until Iraq is peaceful, even if it takes a million years! Luckily, with my boy Sen. McCain as President, we'll have a Commander in Chief who will be committed to staying there a million years!

Dear General Petraeus, Sen. McCain, and Emerson, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

A Friendly Reminder, Dear Readers

Dear Readers,

Please get your questions in for this week's edition of "Thursdays with Theodore!" You can just leave your question(s) in the comments!

Dear readers, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

The Last of a Dying Breed

Dear Readers,

We've now lost our three greatest American heroes: John Wayne, Ronald Reagan, and this fellow:





Rest in peace, Mr. Heston.

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

So Stupid, They Don't Even Know Who They Support!

Dear Readers,

By now, you no doubt recognize the inherent contradictions and stupidity of the west-coast, liberal elite. Well, now they've one-upped themselves. Today, in San Francisco, a number of these hippies protested the upcoming Olympic Games in China. Earlier in the day, a number of these hippies in France actually caused the Olympic torch to be extinguished - twice.

What is odd about this? The commie-loving liberals in San Francisco and France are protesting their Commie buddies in China! Do they not recognize how beautifully ironic all of this is? Obviously not.

Liberalism is a failed theory. Now, as they fight amongst themselves, they'll rid the world forever of this scourge. Good riddance!

Dear dumb hippies, thank you for loving America by destroying yourselves!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Bunkering Down Against the Islamofascists

Dear Readers,

It comes as no surprise that we all face a constant threat of a terrorist attack by the Islamofascists. But what can you do to protect your wife and kids? Look no further than the Quiet Sleeper.

Folks, how many beds offer "bio-chemical filtered ventilation?" Would you not sleep well knowing that you're protected from biological warfare? Or what about a 1.25" polycarbonate bulletproof plating/shielding? It has its own water system and a toilet, as well. Only the Quiet Sleeper can offer all of this.

What's the best part of all? It costs a mere $135,000. Is your family not worth this? If you love your family, you'd be willing to pay $135,000 or more for a unit for all of your kids, and one for you and the wife.

I give this a rating of 5/5 American Flags on the Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. rating system of products designed for Americans who love America!

Dear manufacturers of the Quantum Sleeper, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.