What a Ride!
Dear Readers,
I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., have just returned from a visit to some west-coast, liberal elite optometrist. She (yes, "she," if you can believe they give those degrees to women) numbed my eyes, so I'm not sure what I'm typing to you. I hope it will make sense. Since I'm a man, I never took any typing classes or anything.
On my way home, unable to see well, I think I ran over two or three hybrids. My F-250 is just perfect for smashing these west-coast, liberal elite America-hating hybrid drivers. I'm pretty sure each one spilled a soy latte on themselves when I hit them; I didn't see this, mind you, but the west-coast, liberal elite love to double fist soy lattes, and the west-coast, liberal elite love to drive hybrids. From there, it's an easy logical connection!
Dear readers, if you're ever on the road and see a star-spangled F-250 come up behind you, chances are it's old Teddy. You'll know it's me if you don't see some west-coast, liberal elite cell phone. You see, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., use a manly means of communication, the old C.B. radio. You may remember my musical exploits from my Flag Day post, so my handle of "The Rusty Tromboner" may make sense to you. I do have a second handle, which was given to me after I helped an elderly patriot hoist his flag at a rally in favor of invading Canada; that name is "Old Reach-Around Teddy."
So folks, if you hear that Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., is coming up behind you, rest assured that you can get in touch with "The Rusty Tromboner" or "Old Reach-Around Teddy," who is certainly on your tail!
Dear readers, thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., have just returned from a visit to some west-coast, liberal elite optometrist. She (yes, "she," if you can believe they give those degrees to women) numbed my eyes, so I'm not sure what I'm typing to you. I hope it will make sense. Since I'm a man, I never took any typing classes or anything.
On my way home, unable to see well, I think I ran over two or three hybrids. My F-250 is just perfect for smashing these west-coast, liberal elite America-hating hybrid drivers. I'm pretty sure each one spilled a soy latte on themselves when I hit them; I didn't see this, mind you, but the west-coast, liberal elite love to double fist soy lattes, and the west-coast, liberal elite love to drive hybrids. From there, it's an easy logical connection!
Dear readers, if you're ever on the road and see a star-spangled F-250 come up behind you, chances are it's old Teddy. You'll know it's me if you don't see some west-coast, liberal elite cell phone. You see, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., use a manly means of communication, the old C.B. radio. You may remember my musical exploits from my Flag Day post, so my handle of "The Rusty Tromboner" may make sense to you. I do have a second handle, which was given to me after I helped an elderly patriot hoist his flag at a rally in favor of invading Canada; that name is "Old Reach-Around Teddy."
So folks, if you hear that Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., is coming up behind you, rest assured that you can get in touch with "The Rusty Tromboner" or "Old Reach-Around Teddy," who is certainly on your tail!
Dear readers, thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 5:25 PM
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