What a Glorious Day!
Dear Readers,
Happy 4th! Oh, what a marvelous time to celebrate one's love for America, while also attacking the west-coast, liberal elite for their hatred of America! Dear readers, as you all know, we live in the greatest country in the history of the universe - America, love it or leave it!
I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., started my day with a star-spangled breakfast, having pancakes with blueberries, strawberries, and whipped cream. After that, I slipped on my patriot gear that I mentioned last night, went outside, and fired up my Harley. Old Teddy's town, you see, doesn't have a parade (because it's run by a bunch of Godless liberals), so I made my own. I placed my flags on the hog, strapped a boombox blasting Toby Keith, and slowly rode around town. I seem to have inspired many people, as numerous people honked and waved their arms at me, not to mention the police officers who had a word with me!
Around noon, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. went down to the park in my F-250 and decided to inspire the west-coast, liberal elite tree-huggers down there. I fired up the barbecue pit and surrounded myself in a semi-circle of two dozen flags. I grilled up some steaks wrapped in bacon - good American food - and later topped them with blue cheese (made in America, and it's "blue," not "bleu" like those damn French pansies want to spell it). The rareness of the steak and the blue cheese gave quite the star-spangled appearance!
After this, I decided to exercise my Constitutional right to assemble and I went downtown for a pro-war rally - pro war with Iran, mind you. Dear readers, we need to cut those terrorists off at the pass! Afghanistan and Iraq down, you're next, Iran.
Now, I'm at home, waiting for Mrs. Trumblebunks, I, Esq., to finish up my dinner. I'm currently plotting out my fireworks display for this evening. Now, the west-coast, liberal elite, law-huggers in this town like to point out that fireworks are illegal here, but I beg to differ. I have a Constitutional right to show my love for America by blowing up some fire crackers. Naturally, the west-coast, liberal elite, hypocrisy mongers like to ask me why I find a right here that's not explicitly in the Constitution, but refuse to find others. My answer is simple and quickly shuts them up: we're at war, and the rules have changed!
I'm off to set up the display. Dear readers, I wish you and yours a happy and safe finish to the 4th. Make sure you celebrate America and berate America-hating liberals.
America, thank you for existing so that we can love you!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Happy 4th! Oh, what a marvelous time to celebrate one's love for America, while also attacking the west-coast, liberal elite for their hatred of America! Dear readers, as you all know, we live in the greatest country in the history of the universe - America, love it or leave it!
I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., started my day with a star-spangled breakfast, having pancakes with blueberries, strawberries, and whipped cream. After that, I slipped on my patriot gear that I mentioned last night, went outside, and fired up my Harley. Old Teddy's town, you see, doesn't have a parade (because it's run by a bunch of Godless liberals), so I made my own. I placed my flags on the hog, strapped a boombox blasting Toby Keith, and slowly rode around town. I seem to have inspired many people, as numerous people honked and waved their arms at me, not to mention the police officers who had a word with me!
Around noon, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. went down to the park in my F-250 and decided to inspire the west-coast, liberal elite tree-huggers down there. I fired up the barbecue pit and surrounded myself in a semi-circle of two dozen flags. I grilled up some steaks wrapped in bacon - good American food - and later topped them with blue cheese (made in America, and it's "blue," not "bleu" like those damn French pansies want to spell it). The rareness of the steak and the blue cheese gave quite the star-spangled appearance!
After this, I decided to exercise my Constitutional right to assemble and I went downtown for a pro-war rally - pro war with Iran, mind you. Dear readers, we need to cut those terrorists off at the pass! Afghanistan and Iraq down, you're next, Iran.
Now, I'm at home, waiting for Mrs. Trumblebunks, I, Esq., to finish up my dinner. I'm currently plotting out my fireworks display for this evening. Now, the west-coast, liberal elite, law-huggers in this town like to point out that fireworks are illegal here, but I beg to differ. I have a Constitutional right to show my love for America by blowing up some fire crackers. Naturally, the west-coast, liberal elite, hypocrisy mongers like to ask me why I find a right here that's not explicitly in the Constitution, but refuse to find others. My answer is simple and quickly shuts them up: we're at war, and the rules have changed!
I'm off to set up the display. Dear readers, I wish you and yours a happy and safe finish to the 4th. Make sure you celebrate America and berate America-hating liberals.
America, thank you for existing so that we can love you!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 6:14 PM
3 Comments:
Happy 4th to you, and a Happy 230th to this great nation!
And by the way, have I got a good question for you for Thursday. It's in the e-mail!
JX
One more thing...
Here's a little song you can sing to your tree hugging enemies, from a Simpsons episode, to the tune of "This Land is Your Land" (the same song cleverly satirized in the Bush-Kerry JibJab commercial):
"This log is your log.
This log is my log.
When lightening struck it,
It kicked the bucket.
I poured some onions
Inside my trousers.
This log -- it used to be a tree.
Now it spreads love to you and me.
Hey, look, it's headed out to sea."
Happy singing, buddy!
Jack X.
Thank you for that, Jack X! Happy 4th to you and yours as well!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Post a Comment
<< Home