Take That, You Surrenderist Pansies!
Dear Readers,
I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., rarely celebrate a soccer match, especially if it doesn't involve the boys from the U.S. of A. Today, however, is an exception, as Italy beat France in the World Cup championship. Now, everyone knows I'm no fan of those damn papists from Italy, but I'll cheer for them any day over those cheese-eating, America-haters from France. Luckily, the papists beat the pansies on penalty kicks!
Now, the west-coast, liberal elite, America-hating French lovers want to tell me that my hatred of France is irrational. They say that there is some explanation for France's actions in World War II because of the massive losses the French sustained in World War I, which caused such a shocking demographic change that few countries would want to engage in the same thing 2 decades later. Further, they want to try to convince me that France had every right not to send troops to Iraq, and in the end, their decision has been vindicated due to the current (as they put it) "quagmire" there and the lack of WMD's. Well, to these west-coast, liberal elite, revisionist historians, I can only ask, why do you hate America?
Further, these same freedom-haters like to point to Italy's sordid past, as an Axis power in WWII. They like to say France was never against us to that degree, and in fact, without France's help, we very likely would not have won the Revolutionary War. More importantly, they try to undermine the extent of our Revolution by saying - get this - that the French Revolution was a more complete revolution than ours! Folks, these west-coast, liberal elite, revisionist historians have no shame.
Say what you will, but based on an accurate history, it's clear that France hates America more than Italy does. More importantly, they hate and undermine our divinely-inspired President. As a result, their economy has been suffering due to the boycott put in place by Bill O'Reilly (one of my personal heroes). I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., even had freedom toast this morning, prepared by Mrs. Trumblebunks, I, Esq., and while eating it, I shot a double-bird in the direction of those surrenderists!
France, I'm glad you lost. Nothing is more embarassing than losing in the championship game in overtime, on penalty kicks. Sure, America didn't advance past group play, but that's not as bad as losing the championship, because we only care about soccer if we do well, which doesn't happen too often! France, take this loss as a sign of the world's rejection of your hatred for freedom and your hatred of America. Thank you, Italy!
Frenchies, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., rarely celebrate a soccer match, especially if it doesn't involve the boys from the U.S. of A. Today, however, is an exception, as Italy beat France in the World Cup championship. Now, everyone knows I'm no fan of those damn papists from Italy, but I'll cheer for them any day over those cheese-eating, America-haters from France. Luckily, the papists beat the pansies on penalty kicks!
Now, the west-coast, liberal elite, America-hating French lovers want to tell me that my hatred of France is irrational. They say that there is some explanation for France's actions in World War II because of the massive losses the French sustained in World War I, which caused such a shocking demographic change that few countries would want to engage in the same thing 2 decades later. Further, they want to try to convince me that France had every right not to send troops to Iraq, and in the end, their decision has been vindicated due to the current (as they put it) "quagmire" there and the lack of WMD's. Well, to these west-coast, liberal elite, revisionist historians, I can only ask, why do you hate America?
Further, these same freedom-haters like to point to Italy's sordid past, as an Axis power in WWII. They like to say France was never against us to that degree, and in fact, without France's help, we very likely would not have won the Revolutionary War. More importantly, they try to undermine the extent of our Revolution by saying - get this - that the French Revolution was a more complete revolution than ours! Folks, these west-coast, liberal elite, revisionist historians have no shame.
Say what you will, but based on an accurate history, it's clear that France hates America more than Italy does. More importantly, they hate and undermine our divinely-inspired President. As a result, their economy has been suffering due to the boycott put in place by Bill O'Reilly (one of my personal heroes). I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., even had freedom toast this morning, prepared by Mrs. Trumblebunks, I, Esq., and while eating it, I shot a double-bird in the direction of those surrenderists!
France, I'm glad you lost. Nothing is more embarassing than losing in the championship game in overtime, on penalty kicks. Sure, America didn't advance past group play, but that's not as bad as losing the championship, because we only care about soccer if we do well, which doesn't happen too often! France, take this loss as a sign of the world's rejection of your hatred for freedom and your hatred of America. Thank you, Italy!
Frenchies, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 6:47 PM
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