Who's Left? My Boy! (and some other schmucks)

Dear Readers,

Loyal reader Jack X has asked me for my feelings on the remaining Presidential candidates. Everyone knows I'm a huge fan of Sen. John McCain. As to the others?

Mitt Romney: he gone! Let his gay-marriage-loving liberal butt get back to Massachusetts and stop trying to destroy America!!

Mike Huckabee: closet liberal. His economic approach is populist, so he hates real Americans (i.e., the rich kind).

Ron Paul: he wants to surrender to the Islamofascists. Case closed.

Barack Obama: he is one of the Islamofascists, and he refuses to say the Pledge of Allegiance. I got an email about that.

Hillary Clinton: wants to make America Communist.

Mike Gravel: is he still alive?

So, as you can see dear readers, Sen. McCain is the only choice that won't destroy America. If you love America, you'll support him.

Senator McCain supporters, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Repeal the Property Tax NOW, Mr. Governor!

Dear Readers,

A movement in Indiana is really warming the cockles of Ol' Teddy's heart. On Friday, several hundred people participated in a rally at the Statehouse in an effort to repeal the property tax in the counties of the state. This rally was spearheaded by the wonderful group Advance America, which normally rallies each year to ban gay marriage (God bless 'em!), but this year, their focus has turned to the evils of the property tax.

Folks, as you may or may not know, the property tax is the primary revenue source for local governments, funding things like police and fire protection, road improvements, schools, and parks and recreation. The fat cats in local government like to argue that local governments are remarkably efficient, and a cut in revenue will result in a loss of services, but I'm not buying it. They just need to learn to do more with less, because that always works incredibly well!

Dear readers, these folks in Indiana have a right to be ticked off. They have the 36th-highest per capita property taxes of any state that actually uses a property tax! Furthermore, this has brought their property tax rates slightly closer to the much higher rates in all of the states surrounding Indiana! Who wouldn't be upset?

All of the west-coast, liberal elite, local government fat cats need to learn to spend more wisely. Give these people liberty from funding critical local government services, or give them death!

Mr. Miller and Advance America, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

What a Ride!

Dear Readers,

Ol' Teddy has not checked in for a long time. You have to understand, I've been following the Straight Talk Express around for the last month in my F-350, and look where it's gotten us! We're now the front-runners!

That's right, dear readers, I've been supporting Sen. McCain for the last 6 months, when his campaign appeared to be on the brink of collapse. Now, we're in the lead and on our way to the nomination! I don't want to take all of the credit, but let's realize that I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., am solely responsible for this "surge."

Folks, join me in supporting a real American for the Presidency - Sen. John McCain.

Sen. McCain, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.