Thursdays with Theodore, episode 9/7/06
Dear Readers,
Welcome to this week's episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" It appears that Willington is finally alive again, although "Wednesdays with Willington" mysteriously appeared on a Thursday...
Let's get to that mailbag.
Willington writes:
Mr. Trumblebunks I'm challenging you to a duel of intellect. I'm prepared to begin the Master Debater series whenever you are ready. I'll even let you pick the first topic. So the question is Teddy, are you man enough to face my superior intellect?
-Franklin Willington
Sure thing, Willington. Name the day. Will you run away for another week, or will you be man enough to show up?
Jack X writes:
Dear Ted,
My question will be a little different this week, but I hope you can help me. I hope I am not too late in sending a question---other endeavors have prevented me from writing to you, not to mention the new LSU e-mail service.
I am a very lost political person. I am a registered Republican who got to vote for the president and congressmen and senators in 2004 for the first time. Naturally, I voted for W., Vitter, Baker, and Simpson.
Lately, being immersed in a more diverse environment where ideas ranging from liberal to libetarian to conspiracy theory have boggled my mind. I find myself without a spine in judging who's right and who's wrong. I have found myself speaking to one person a lot who agrees with a lot of liberal propaganda, such as John Murtha's (whom I still think is the most overrated congressman in Congress today) "change the course or draft people" agenda. This person, we can call, um, F. Willington or maybe Franklin W., anyway, has tried to sway me to accept his liberal propaganda.
I have told you of my fears and worse case scenarios, ranging from getting drafted to getting a bad grade on a math test to a major hurricane worse than Katrina coming straight for my area, but I just don't know how to accept beliefs or whose side is best. I am also fairly OCD swimming in a pool of obsessive thinking that I hope gets drained over the upcoming months.
So, for my question, who should I trust, whom should I believe, and how do I untie all of these knots in my brain made by confusion and reading two to five sides of each arguments?
Peace out,
Jack X
Jack X, that's a very deep question. To undo your confusion, just listen to me. In short, trust the President and the real Republicans. For starters, we haven't been attacked since 9/11 - they've kept us safe. We're fighting them there so we don't have to fight them here.
More importantly, Republicans are much more fiscally responsible. They're wasting billions on a war, as opposed to the Democrats, who would prefer to waste billions on handouts to lazy Americans. Obviously, safety is better than rewarding laziness. Trust the Republicans.
Finally, Republicans are pro-family values, unlike the abort-children-first liberals. We're pro-life, as long as you ignore that death penalty, the war, etc. You like life, don't you?
This administration tells us that questioning either the war or the President is un-American. And since I know that you love America, you need to fall in line with the other Republicans.
Given all of these factors, if you love America and children, you should be a Republican.
Jack X also writes:
Sorry to bother you again, Ted,
When speaking to Franklin Willington on a cell phone, I jokingly ended our conversation saying "I love you," and he got very mad at me. How can someone with very liberal perspectives get angry when a fellow brother of his tells him he loves him, of course, not like a spouse or significant other? Have any answers, or is FW a phony?
Jack X, you and my other dear and loyal readers needn't ever fear that you're bothering me - I'm here to serve all of you! Anyway, you'll learn over time that the west-coast, liberal elite are hypocrites. They say they like safety, but they appease terrorists. They're pro-gay rights, but secretly homophobic. Just another reason to go Republican!
Thank you for all of the great questions, dear readers, and thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Welcome to this week's episode of "Thursdays with Theodore!" It appears that Willington is finally alive again, although "Wednesdays with Willington" mysteriously appeared on a Thursday...
Let's get to that mailbag.
Willington writes:
Mr. Trumblebunks I'm challenging you to a duel of intellect. I'm prepared to begin the Master Debater series whenever you are ready. I'll even let you pick the first topic. So the question is Teddy, are you man enough to face my superior intellect?
-Franklin Willington
Sure thing, Willington. Name the day. Will you run away for another week, or will you be man enough to show up?
Jack X writes:
Dear Ted,
My question will be a little different this week, but I hope you can help me. I hope I am not too late in sending a question---other endeavors have prevented me from writing to you, not to mention the new LSU e-mail service.
I am a very lost political person. I am a registered Republican who got to vote for the president and congressmen and senators in 2004 for the first time. Naturally, I voted for W., Vitter, Baker, and Simpson.
Lately, being immersed in a more diverse environment where ideas ranging from liberal to libetarian to conspiracy theory have boggled my mind. I find myself without a spine in judging who's right and who's wrong. I have found myself speaking to one person a lot who agrees with a lot of liberal propaganda, such as John Murtha's (whom I still think is the most overrated congressman in Congress today) "change the course or draft people" agenda. This person, we can call, um, F. Willington or maybe Franklin W., anyway, has tried to sway me to accept his liberal propaganda.
I have told you of my fears and worse case scenarios, ranging from getting drafted to getting a bad grade on a math test to a major hurricane worse than Katrina coming straight for my area, but I just don't know how to accept beliefs or whose side is best. I am also fairly OCD swimming in a pool of obsessive thinking that I hope gets drained over the upcoming months.
So, for my question, who should I trust, whom should I believe, and how do I untie all of these knots in my brain made by confusion and reading two to five sides of each arguments?
Peace out,
Jack X
Jack X, that's a very deep question. To undo your confusion, just listen to me. In short, trust the President and the real Republicans. For starters, we haven't been attacked since 9/11 - they've kept us safe. We're fighting them there so we don't have to fight them here.
More importantly, Republicans are much more fiscally responsible. They're wasting billions on a war, as opposed to the Democrats, who would prefer to waste billions on handouts to lazy Americans. Obviously, safety is better than rewarding laziness. Trust the Republicans.
Finally, Republicans are pro-family values, unlike the abort-children-first liberals. We're pro-life, as long as you ignore that death penalty, the war, etc. You like life, don't you?
This administration tells us that questioning either the war or the President is un-American. And since I know that you love America, you need to fall in line with the other Republicans.
Given all of these factors, if you love America and children, you should be a Republican.
Jack X also writes:
Sorry to bother you again, Ted,
When speaking to Franklin Willington on a cell phone, I jokingly ended our conversation saying "I love you," and he got very mad at me. How can someone with very liberal perspectives get angry when a fellow brother of his tells him he loves him, of course, not like a spouse or significant other? Have any answers, or is FW a phony?
Jack X, you and my other dear and loyal readers needn't ever fear that you're bothering me - I'm here to serve all of you! Anyway, you'll learn over time that the west-coast, liberal elite are hypocrites. They say they like safety, but they appease terrorists. They're pro-gay rights, but secretly homophobic. Just another reason to go Republican!
Thank you for all of the great questions, dear readers, and thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 10:59 PM
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