What Time is it, Dear Readers? Game Time!
Dear Readers,
I apologize for my recent absence. My schedule in working on my part of another publication involved a deadline yesterday that I had to devote my full attention to. But I'm back, and ready to get after it again, dear readers!
I'm often asked, "Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., how do I know how to pick winners in college football games? How can one possibly distinguish between so many teams of 18-21 year-olds? Can you please share your wisdom?" I'm more than happy to oblige.
Dear readers, you see, the first line of distinction comes between red states and blue states. Since blue states contain a bunch of pansies, teams from those states will, without a doubt, be terrible. Red states are where you'll find real Americans. Consequently, your highest ranked teams should be from red states.
Beyond this, there are a few other factors to consider. Notre Dame, for example, is in a red state; they, however, are a bunch of papists whose first allegiance is to Rome, not to America, so ignore them. Additionally, any team located in a red state that has a strong national following is, without a doubt, cheered on by a number of liberals, so you have to ignore Texas, Ohio State, Miami, Oklahoma, Nebraska, and Florida State, for example. Finally, universities in liberal cities in red states are also out, so there's a double whammy for Miami.
Where does this leave us? The Theodore Trumblebunks I, Esq., top 10 (after this weekend's games) currently reads:
1) Tennessee
2) Florida
3) Clemson
4) Louisville
5) West Virginia
6) Auburn
7) Georgia
8) Ole Miss
9) TCU
10) South Carolina
Dear readers, be sure to check back each week for an updated top 10 list!
Dear readers, thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
I apologize for my recent absence. My schedule in working on my part of another publication involved a deadline yesterday that I had to devote my full attention to. But I'm back, and ready to get after it again, dear readers!
I'm often asked, "Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., how do I know how to pick winners in college football games? How can one possibly distinguish between so many teams of 18-21 year-olds? Can you please share your wisdom?" I'm more than happy to oblige.
Dear readers, you see, the first line of distinction comes between red states and blue states. Since blue states contain a bunch of pansies, teams from those states will, without a doubt, be terrible. Red states are where you'll find real Americans. Consequently, your highest ranked teams should be from red states.
Beyond this, there are a few other factors to consider. Notre Dame, for example, is in a red state; they, however, are a bunch of papists whose first allegiance is to Rome, not to America, so ignore them. Additionally, any team located in a red state that has a strong national following is, without a doubt, cheered on by a number of liberals, so you have to ignore Texas, Ohio State, Miami, Oklahoma, Nebraska, and Florida State, for example. Finally, universities in liberal cities in red states are also out, so there's a double whammy for Miami.
Where does this leave us? The Theodore Trumblebunks I, Esq., top 10 (after this weekend's games) currently reads:
1) Tennessee
2) Florida
3) Clemson
4) Louisville
5) West Virginia
6) Auburn
7) Georgia
8) Ole Miss
9) TCU
10) South Carolina
Dear readers, be sure to check back each week for an updated top 10 list!
Dear readers, thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 9:56 PM
6 Comments:
Where are my Tigers of LSU?!?!?!?! Did you see what we did to ULL?
It was just ULL. If they beat Tulane, then I'll give them some credit. Too many questions at QB right now.
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Really? Or is it because James Carville and I are both fans>
QB controversy? Clearly Ryan Perrilloux is the starter
Matt Flynn should be in there. He's the only prototype QB.
You and Carville don't help things.
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Looks like we have a Jewlane fan on our hands.
Jck. X.
Leave it to the west-coast, liberal elite to pull out the anti-Semitism.
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
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