An Even More Inconvenient Truth
Dear Readers,
I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., have been sweating it out on vacation. I'm certain that you, too, have experienced the heat over the last few days. Naturally, the west-coast, liberal elite have seized this opportunity to push their liberal agenda. Old Teddy is here to set the record straight.
Now, as you know, the west-coast, liberal elite climatologists, speaking through Al Gore, have been ramming the global warming myth down our throats for quite some time now. They want us to believe that because of a byproduct as innocent as carbon dioxide, the earth is going to hell in a handbasket. I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., am not buying it.
Dear readers, I recall many hot days before, even hotter than this year. Yet somehow, now the earth is hotter than ever before? If that was true, we'd be setting record highs every day! These west-coast, liberal elite tree-huggers like to use fancy buzzwords like "polar ice caps are melting" and "unprecedented rapid glacier melting" to scare us back into the pre-industrial age.
Fear not, dear readers. These west-coast, liberal elite CO2-haters simply hate the free market and the byproducts it produces. There's nothing to fear here. Support our industries, drive your SUV's, and live your lives just as you always have, with a flag in one hand and your wallet in the other.
Global warming mongerers, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., have been sweating it out on vacation. I'm certain that you, too, have experienced the heat over the last few days. Naturally, the west-coast, liberal elite have seized this opportunity to push their liberal agenda. Old Teddy is here to set the record straight.
Now, as you know, the west-coast, liberal elite climatologists, speaking through Al Gore, have been ramming the global warming myth down our throats for quite some time now. They want us to believe that because of a byproduct as innocent as carbon dioxide, the earth is going to hell in a handbasket. I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., am not buying it.
Dear readers, I recall many hot days before, even hotter than this year. Yet somehow, now the earth is hotter than ever before? If that was true, we'd be setting record highs every day! These west-coast, liberal elite tree-huggers like to use fancy buzzwords like "polar ice caps are melting" and "unprecedented rapid glacier melting" to scare us back into the pre-industrial age.
Fear not, dear readers. These west-coast, liberal elite CO2-haters simply hate the free market and the byproducts it produces. There's nothing to fear here. Support our industries, drive your SUV's, and live your lives just as you always have, with a flag in one hand and your wallet in the other.
Global warming mongerers, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 6:52 PM
6 Comments:
besides Billy Graham or one of those people, which passages have "divinly inspired" our "commander in chief?"
Our Commander, who art in Washington, hallowed be thy job. Thy nation come, thy will be done, on Earth, as it is in America. Give us this day our freedom's breath, and please kill us our terrorists. As we kill those who trespass against us, and lead us not into chaos, and deliver us from terrorism.
Is this what you say, besides the "Our Father?"
Dear Anonymous #1:
The Ten Commandments, first and foremost, are never far from our divinely-inspired President's heart. Perhaps more important for him, God's command that we are our brother's keeper has led him to avenge the terrorist attacks by going into Iraq!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Dear Anonymous #2:
How dare you blaspheme! I get it, you're trying to be satirical. We don't take kindly to satire around here, especially when it attacks our divinely-inspired President, but more importantly, I won't tolerate blasphemy on my site!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
hey, Ted, how do you know that the same person didn't compose both anonymous comments? And, secondly, how do you know that this isn't the same person composing it now!!!
Signed,
Randy, from Pee-wee's Playhouse....
Dear Anonymous #3,
I respond to each one, and that's where the numbering comes from. It's pretty simple if you think about it.
Why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
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