Hoist Those Trophies High, You Real Americans!
Dear Readers,
Today, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., was asked my thoughts on the two championship victories over the last two days in the NHL and NBA, respectively. Having had the opportunity to reflect upon this question, I now wish to offer my insight to you, my dear and loyal readers.
The victories of the Hurricanes and Heat provide a sign of things to come in November. Think about it folks. What color is the Heat's non-white jersey? Red. What color is the Mavericks'? Blue. In the NHL, what color is the Hurricanes'? Red. And the Oilers'? You guessed it: blue. What "color" of a state is Florida? Red. Carolina? Red.
These championships are representative of the victory of virtuous conservatism over the west-coast, liberal elite. Now, those same liberal elite geographers who were on my case just this past weekend wish to cry, "But Texas is a red state too," and, "Edmonton is 'the Texas of Canada,' a conservative island in a land of socialism." As usual, these liberal elite geographers miss the point.
The Heat fought back from an 0-2 hole that nearly went to 0-3, while the Hurricanes had to fend off a vicious attack in 7 games after going up 3-1 on the Oilers. Now, the liberal media wants to use their fancy liberal elite "polls" to tell us that Republicans are in trouble come November. These godless liberals ignore the truth, due to their lack of faith, as they fail to see that God picked these teams to win to let real Americans know that everything will be alright come November!
In addition, the west-coast, liberal elite, liberal media at the ESPN studios in Bristol, Connecticut, want to tell us that the Hurricanes used to be the Hartford Whalers, and I even heard some last night claim that they considered it to be a Stanley Cup win for the Hartford Whalers! Folks, these liberals simply can't come to grips with the dominance and logic of conservatism, and insist instead, despite losing at the polls and on the ice, to claim victory for liberals. That's why we call them "snivelcrats."
Now, some of these west-coast, liberal elites also want to point to mounds of evidence that the 2000 election results in Florida were incorrect, combined with the extensive evidence of election fraud in Ohio in 2004, and compare these to the seemingly fraudulent calls Dwayne Wade got late in the NBA Finals, arguing none of the results were fairly achieved. Liberals, I've got one word for you: get over it!
Those of you who can't accept that the Carolina Hurricanes and Miami Heat, teams from good red states, are champions of their leagues, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Today, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., was asked my thoughts on the two championship victories over the last two days in the NHL and NBA, respectively. Having had the opportunity to reflect upon this question, I now wish to offer my insight to you, my dear and loyal readers.
The victories of the Hurricanes and Heat provide a sign of things to come in November. Think about it folks. What color is the Heat's non-white jersey? Red. What color is the Mavericks'? Blue. In the NHL, what color is the Hurricanes'? Red. And the Oilers'? You guessed it: blue. What "color" of a state is Florida? Red. Carolina? Red.
These championships are representative of the victory of virtuous conservatism over the west-coast, liberal elite. Now, those same liberal elite geographers who were on my case just this past weekend wish to cry, "But Texas is a red state too," and, "Edmonton is 'the Texas of Canada,' a conservative island in a land of socialism." As usual, these liberal elite geographers miss the point.
The Heat fought back from an 0-2 hole that nearly went to 0-3, while the Hurricanes had to fend off a vicious attack in 7 games after going up 3-1 on the Oilers. Now, the liberal media wants to use their fancy liberal elite "polls" to tell us that Republicans are in trouble come November. These godless liberals ignore the truth, due to their lack of faith, as they fail to see that God picked these teams to win to let real Americans know that everything will be alright come November!
In addition, the west-coast, liberal elite, liberal media at the ESPN studios in Bristol, Connecticut, want to tell us that the Hurricanes used to be the Hartford Whalers, and I even heard some last night claim that they considered it to be a Stanley Cup win for the Hartford Whalers! Folks, these liberals simply can't come to grips with the dominance and logic of conservatism, and insist instead, despite losing at the polls and on the ice, to claim victory for liberals. That's why we call them "snivelcrats."
Now, some of these west-coast, liberal elites also want to point to mounds of evidence that the 2000 election results in Florida were incorrect, combined with the extensive evidence of election fraud in Ohio in 2004, and compare these to the seemingly fraudulent calls Dwayne Wade got late in the NBA Finals, arguing none of the results were fairly achieved. Liberals, I've got one word for you: get over it!
Those of you who can't accept that the Carolina Hurricanes and Miami Heat, teams from good red states, are champions of their leagues, why do you hate America?
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 5:36 PM
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