A Prescription for the McPheever

Dear Readers,

American Idol is just the latest example of the west-coast, liberal elite, sandal-flopping hippies trying to force their views down our throats. Don't tell me the creator is from England; he's in California now, and is therefore part of the west-coast, liberal elite.

American Idol (which is incredibly un-American, mind you) is just another example of the "Hollywood liberals" trying to force their viewpoints down out throats. I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., don't want to hear, "If you don't like what they say, don't listen." No, freedom of speech enables us to not hear speech we don't want to hear. So stop infringing on my Constitutional rights, un-American Idol and Hollywood.

Simon Cowell, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

The Preakness, Part II

Dear Readers,

Why do all of these west-coast, liberal elite, horse owners and fans have an "official drink" for each race? What kind of message are they sending to the children? Why do they hate America?

Today starts my campaign to repeal the 21st Amendment, and I'm calling on Nino to have my back on this one.

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

The Preakness

Dear Readers,

Horse racing is the most racist sport out there. I watched the Kentucky Derby, and now I'm watching the lead-up to the Preakness, and all of the horses are either brown or black (a few are gray). Where are the white horses?!?

This is "reverse racism" at its finest, and I am OUTRAGED! All of those west-coast, liberal elite, bong smoking, drum circle playing, hippie horse owners and fans in Millionaires Row with their minority hand-outs. Why do they hate America?

I'm entering a white Clydesdale next year.

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

Welcome!

Welcome, Dear Readers!

Good afternoon, and welcome to my blog. Soon, I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., will be sharing my opinions with you, which really should be regarded as facts. Until then, you should be in eager anticipation.

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.