Color Me Shocked (Again!)

Dear Readers,

I'm used to the Hollywood crowd being a bunch of America-hating liberals. Nothing new there. But it seems that, lately, more and more musicians are getting in the mix. Take the new White Stripes song, "Icky Thump," for instance:



Now, ignoring those killer guitar riffs and the overall old-school, pulse-pounding rock involved, these liberal elites are calling us real Americans hypocrites for our immigration stance. All we want to do is keep our country safe and make sure our taxes go to help real Americans, not illegal thieves. Perhaps these musicians should learn to sing about the heartbreak involved in your wife leaving you, your dog dying, or your pickup breaking down.

Also, some of you may ask what I think about musicians who insert conservative politics in their songs. Well, I say these are true Americans who are trying to keep us safe, not a bunch of terrorist-coddlers like these White Stripes with their pro-Islamofascist rock-and-roll!

Dear readers who refuse to buy this album due to the message, despite how good the music is, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.