Happy Thanksgiving, Dear Readers!

Dear Readers,

From the bottom of my conservative heart, I wish you and yours a very Happy Thanksgiving! On this day, keep in mind the prowess of our military as well as the many brave men and women stationed all over the world to fight them there so we don't have to fight them here. Before you go to bed, make sure you salute the flag and sing the national anthem. God bless.

Dear Thanksgiving celebraters, thank you for loving America!

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.

RPR

Dear Readers,

I'm often asked my thoughts on the "Ron Paul Revolution." I'm told that his backwards-looking ways are supposedly refreshing to true conservatives, such as his promise to eliminate all government-funded social programs. Folks, old Teddy certainly knows that everything works much better when it's privatized and done on a contract basis than when the government can directly administer it. All you have to do is look at privatized roads and prisons in a state such as Indiana to see how complete a solution this actually is.

But what gets me is that this man calls himself a "Republican, yet he opposes the War against the Islamofascists. If a Republican won't keep America safe, who can we rely on? This man is just a Democrat in disguise, so long as you ignore his "privatize everything" stance. He is dangerous, and it's time that America opens its eyes.

This Ron Paul Revolution is just another example of liberals trying to make fools of us conservatives. To you, Ron Paul, I say this: screw you.

Ron Paul, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.