Hallelujah! He's Cured!
Dear Readers,
As you know, the gay meth scandal involving Ted Haggard rocked America late last fall, just before the elections, leading the west-coast, liberal elite to label conservative Americans as "hypocrites." Again, though, he didn't have gay sex, and he only bought the meth to throw it away, since methamphetamine is a nonrenewable resource! Now, however, we can finally put our long national nightmare behind us.
You see, dear readers, Rev. Haggard is now cured! That's right - he had a few weeks of conversations, and his sexual predilections are now gone. Poof! Instant-changeo! Since we know that sexual proclivity has no recidivism factor involved, he must be all straight now. It's a miracle!
Rev. Ted Haggard, thank you for undergoing this intense conversion. I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., know it couldn't have been easy. But now you must be 100% straight. All I can say is this: look out ladies, Rev. Ted is on the prowl!
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Ted Haggard, thank you for loving heterosexuality, and America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
As you know, the gay meth scandal involving Ted Haggard rocked America late last fall, just before the elections, leading the west-coast, liberal elite to label conservative Americans as "hypocrites." Again, though, he didn't have gay sex, and he only bought the meth to throw it away, since methamphetamine is a nonrenewable resource! Now, however, we can finally put our long national nightmare behind us.
You see, dear readers, Rev. Haggard is now cured! That's right - he had a few weeks of conversations, and his sexual predilections are now gone. Poof! Instant-changeo! Since we know that sexual proclivity has no recidivism factor involved, he must be all straight now. It's a miracle!
Rev. Ted Haggard, thank you for undergoing this intense conversion. I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., know it couldn't have been easy. But now you must be 100% straight. All I can say is this: look out ladies, Rev. Ted is on the prowl!
.jpg)
Ted Haggard, thank you for loving heterosexuality, and America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 10:21 PM
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