Reporting for Duty, Sirs!
Dear Readers,
I'm often asked, "Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., why aren't you knee-deep in the shit over in Iraq?" It's a great question. Dear readers, don't think for one minute that it's from any cowardice.
You see, dear readers, since I learned the lessons of 9/11 on 9/11, I have gone to my local Army recruiting office no less than 3 times. Each time, I've naturally passed all of the physical requirements, but my dreams have been dashed by some west-coast, liberal elite psychiatrists. These liberals are apparently so scared by my love of America and desire to kill the Islamofascists that they won't to keep me out of Iraq, since these liberals don't want to win the war. It's not from lack of effort on my part.
So, I do what I can to right the wrongs the liberals spread, via this humble blog. I'm not the only brave conservative fighting this battle via binary code. There's a community of us, and I hope to soon be a full-fledged member of the 101st Fighting Keyboardists!
101st Fighting Keyboardists (using the German Eagle in your logo), thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
I'm often asked, "Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., why aren't you knee-deep in the shit over in Iraq?" It's a great question. Dear readers, don't think for one minute that it's from any cowardice.
You see, dear readers, since I learned the lessons of 9/11 on 9/11, I have gone to my local Army recruiting office no less than 3 times. Each time, I've naturally passed all of the physical requirements, but my dreams have been dashed by some west-coast, liberal elite psychiatrists. These liberals are apparently so scared by my love of America and desire to kill the Islamofascists that they won't to keep me out of Iraq, since these liberals don't want to win the war. It's not from lack of effort on my part.
So, I do what I can to right the wrongs the liberals spread, via this humble blog. I'm not the only brave conservative fighting this battle via binary code. There's a community of us, and I hope to soon be a full-fledged member of the 101st Fighting Keyboardists!
101st Fighting Keyboardists (using the German Eagle in your logo), thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 8:54 PM
4 Comments:
What are the physical tests like?
Well, they didn't per se ask for any physical tests, but I decided to show them the pythons beneath my shirt sleeves, then dropped and gave them roughly 263 push-ups (I recall that being my rough estimate afterwards).
After such an impressive showing, they hurried me into the shrink's office (undoubtedly to fast-track my enlistment), who must have realized a specimen of my brawn would be much too useful in winning the War on Terror. Dirty liberal psychiatrists....
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Many psychiatrists are quacks. You'd figure the best military in the world would do a better job phishing out the bad ones!
Indeed. The only logical conclusion of them all finding me mentally unfit for combat is that they're all crazy. Nothing else would seem to make sense.
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
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