A Victory for the Non-Heathens!
Dear Readers,
Wal-Mart has announced that, despite their secular progressive past, they will return to celebrating Christmas! From signs saying "Christmas" to wishing you a Merry Christmas, they will be in your face to remind you it's Christmas. Our world is safe.
You see, dear readers, my hero, Bill O'Reilly, spent much of last winter fighting the war against the War on Christmas. And boy, has it ever paid off! What better way to celebrate Christmas than with the corporate vulgarity that is Wal-Mart? It's not like there's a place to gather with others in community fellowship in order to recall the life of Jesus and other lessons of the Bible, say, oh, once a week. Clearly, Wal-Mart is our only option.
Christianity is the soul of America, and Wal-Mart is our heart. Bill O'Reilly, thank you. James Dobson, thank you. And the secular progressives at Wal-Mary who finally woke up, thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
Wal-Mart has announced that, despite their secular progressive past, they will return to celebrating Christmas! From signs saying "Christmas" to wishing you a Merry Christmas, they will be in your face to remind you it's Christmas. Our world is safe.
You see, dear readers, my hero, Bill O'Reilly, spent much of last winter fighting the war against the War on Christmas. And boy, has it ever paid off! What better way to celebrate Christmas than with the corporate vulgarity that is Wal-Mart? It's not like there's a place to gather with others in community fellowship in order to recall the life of Jesus and other lessons of the Bible, say, oh, once a week. Clearly, Wal-Mart is our only option.
Christianity is the soul of America, and Wal-Mart is our heart. Bill O'Reilly, thank you. James Dobson, thank you. And the secular progressives at Wal-Mary who finally woke up, thank you for loving America!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
posted by Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq. at 10:29 PM
2 Comments:
Yay, we're winning the War on Christmas!!!
I don't know if I ever told you this story, but about 3 years ago, the local cable company [Cox] ran a commercial featuring an all African American-choir singing "The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire)." In the 30 second commercial, when they got to the line "I know it's been said many times many ways," instead of saying "Merry Christmas," they said "Happy Holidays."
My God, they butchered a nice contemporary Christmas carol to make it PC.
Thank you, Ted and Wal-Mart! And in about 6 weeks, it'll be time to say Merry Christmas! Peace on Earth, good will for men, and all!
Indeed. Nothing conveys the meaning of Christmas like a 48-pack of toilet paper in Christmas wrapping! Just like God intended it!
-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.
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