Another Christian and American Hero Under Attack

Dear Readers,

I, Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq., am enraged. A true Christian and American, Mr. Mel Gibson, is under assault by the west-coast, liberal elite. As you may have heard, Mel was arrested this weekend for DUI, and I by no means condone drinking and driving; in fact, I am leading a temperance movement, as old Teddy doesn't drink alcohol at all, just beer. Now, though, Mr. Gibson is under attack.

First off, those west-coast, liberal elite cartographers are all in my face again, telling me that Mel Gibson is an Australian. Yes, by birth, they're right, but he's a full-blooded American now.

Next, they point to some comments that he ALLEGEDLY said. These quotes, however, are little more than the work of the liberal media, planting damaging things in his mouth to get him in trouble. Same old, same old, dear readers.

Now, the west-coast, liberal elite hate-Mel-and-America-first crowd conveniently forgets about the greatest movie of all time. That's right, I'm referring to The Passion of the Christ. It's as 100% accurate and infallible as the Bible, and it strengthens one's Christianity. Nevertheless, the west-coast, liberal elite Hollywood crowd wants to call it anti-semitic. Folks, that's hogwash; it's simply pro-Christian.

Mel Gibson critics, why do you hate America?

-Theodore Trumblebunks, I, Esq.